Pastry Princess

Tonight I dropped off Dynamo to spend the night at Nana's house so he could go to preschool in the morning. I began to look at old pictures and videos of him. I ran across this video and for some reason, my eyes won't stop leaking. Could this be because my little man will be 4 years old next month? How does the time seem to creep by but then looking back, it feels like a blink of an eye? To be honest, I feel like I have missed this little boy growing before my eyes. He has always been there, but have I been watching?? Was school, work, and maybe a glimpse of a social life more important to me than my own child? Could I be feeling pitty for myself so much that I am unconsciously ignoring my own personal responsibility?

Have I been a good mom? Can I be a better one? Why did God choose me to raise this little child? Did He honestly think I was the best one for the job? I feel so inadequate. I can't keep to a budget, I feel as though I put a movie on the tv for him just to get him out of my hair. What is making me so lithargic? Why am I so lazy? Selfish. Why am I letting anything stop me from playing with my child? Instead of movies or shows, or even computer games. I could be outside playing in the fresh fallen snow.

This beautiful boy was God's gift to me. He knew it was the only thing that was going to stop my reckless lifestyle. Am I failing the test of motherhood? Can I really be a good mom with needing 90% of my support from my parents?

Ugh, maybe I need sleep. Prayer is a must.

Lord, help me to be alive, not so lazy. Help me to be a fun and active mom. One that plays, and not just turns a show on the tv. Help me to not miss any part of this beautiful gift you have blessed my life with. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Help me to be a well rounded woman. Serving you and loving my son to the fullest of my being. You know I love him and would lay my life down if it meant saving his, but help me to be the best I can be!