Pastry Princess

In honor of my Great-Grandmother(her 93rd birthday), I made this cake. This was the first time I used fondant. It was an amazing flavor, unlike the typical fondant. Tastes like marshmallow cream. Its easy too. It did take me 12 hours from start to finish. A huge hit! I have had to begin to practice for my sister's wedding cake. She has asked me to do a 5 stack square cake. I'm honored and excited to do this for her! If you'd like the recipe to this cake, just let me know. Also, to make it simple due to a time crunch, those are silk flowers.

Tonight I dropped off Dynamo to spend the night at Nana's house so he could go to preschool in the morning. I began to look at old pictures and videos of him. I ran across this video and for some reason, my eyes won't stop leaking. Could this be because my little man will be 4 years old next month? How does the time seem to creep by but then looking back, it feels like a blink of an eye? To be honest, I feel like I have missed this little boy growing before my eyes. He has always been there, but have I been watching?? Was school, work, and maybe a glimpse of a social life more important to me than my own child? Could I be feeling pitty for myself so much that I am unconsciously ignoring my own personal responsibility?

Have I been a good mom? Can I be a better one? Why did God choose me to raise this little child? Did He honestly think I was the best one for the job? I feel so inadequate. I can't keep to a budget, I feel as though I put a movie on the tv for him just to get him out of my hair. What is making me so lithargic? Why am I so lazy? Selfish. Why am I letting anything stop me from playing with my child? Instead of movies or shows, or even computer games. I could be outside playing in the fresh fallen snow.

This beautiful boy was God's gift to me. He knew it was the only thing that was going to stop my reckless lifestyle. Am I failing the test of motherhood? Can I really be a good mom with needing 90% of my support from my parents?

Ugh, maybe I need sleep. Prayer is a must.

Lord, help me to be alive, not so lazy. Help me to be a fun and active mom. One that plays, and not just turns a show on the tv. Help me to not miss any part of this beautiful gift you have blessed my life with. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Help me to be a well rounded woman. Serving you and loving my son to the fullest of my being. You know I love him and would lay my life down if it meant saving his, but help me to be the best I can be!

Hey J,
I tried to comment on one of your blogs but was unsuccessful. So I decided just to post this on my blog.

I just wanted to leave you a few words of encouragement. You helped me in a difficult situation and for that I'm eternally grateful and want to offer the same kindness to you!! I will always feel that you are like a brother to me (and because of God goodness you are!) I want you to know that if you need to talk or want to just spill what may be bothering you, I am here for you! I am warm heart from Home! I love you and pray for you and your safety!

"No matter what life may throw at us, God is still in control. We can't try to run away hoping that everything will disappear. We must face it full on because we have God on our side, rooting for us!!"

Your Sister in Christ

Besides serving God and spreading His awesome message, this little boy is the reason my life has purpose. He is the reason I get up in the morning. Although, he can out sleep me any day, I look forward to waking up in the morning to see this beautiful face!

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was not living her life according to the plan God had for her. She was living according to her own terms. God decided that the only way to get her attention and save her from destroying her life was to bless her with this beautiful bundle of joy! Dynamo was the reason she straightened up her life and started going back to church and living a life that would be pleasing to God. This little smile is the reason she smiles everyday. The reason she strives for perfection with work, school, and relationships. So that she can be a good example. So she can provide him the life that will give him opportunities to do anything he may wish to do. To show him that through all the hard times, that God is the focus. That God is the one that helps out in time of need. Knowing that God is first and then its family. That family is always there for you, no matter how tough it might be. No matter what the conflicts may be. That family is always there for you. To pick you up when you fall. To hold you close when you feel alone.

Thank you God for this little bit of heaven you have given me in this life of struggles and hardships! Help me to guide this little blessing in your way, your will, and help me to show my life in a way that would honor you and make him excited to follow you!!

" Real life in the real world is tough, nitty-gritty journey that every pilgrim on planet earth must make. Moving to Disney World is not an option. There will be tribulation; Jesus said so. But be of good cheer: He's still in the business of guiding and strengthening and healing and overcoming..."
-- When the Glass Slipper Doesn't Fit by Claire Cloninger and Karla Worley--

In other words, this to me means that no matter what life may through at us, God is still in control. We can't try to run away or play dress up hoping that everything will disappear. We must face it full on because we have God on our side, rooting for us!!

Sometimes I feel lost. I don't know where I'm headed or what to expect. I feel like the only thing holding me together is my skin. I feel confused about my future, concerned for my present, and disappointed about my past. I know that I should follow God and be faithful to Him. Let him know my troubles and my fears, but I am still human and have concerns that just need to be expressed in words. I am trying to find myself. See what my purpose is. I get overwhelmed with my everyday responsibilities. Aggravated with my decisions that I have made, think about making and will make. I wish for one moment, we could see a glimpse of our future to see if we were making the right step, the right move. I hope that I can figure it out. Would be nice to feel as though everything is going ok. That my body isn't going to explode into a billions bits if I get a small cut. I fear that I will fail at the responsibilities I have with my son, my job, school, church. I feel inadequate to be in charge of the things I feel I have been led to be apart of . How do I understand what I'm suppose to be doing and feel content in that.